What to do after a fight.
Couples often want to know what they should do after a fight. How do they bounce back in a healthy way? So many couples deal with their fights by pretending they didn’t happen. They fight. Stop talking and then start talking again without addressing the path that lead them to the fight they experienced.
You can use the tools presented in this book and the following guide to better navigate your life post fight. Take some time apart and answer the following questions.
- What did I want? (Try to distill this down to one or two sentences.)
- What would this fight have looked like if we had done it right?
- What did my spouse want?
- What were other factors in our day that may have lead to our emotional outburst? (Maybe your boss was unfairly critical of you or your dog was hurt and had to go to the veterinarian, etc.)
- Was it possible for both of us to get what we wanted? (See questions #1 and #3)
- If we both could not have gotten what we wanted, what would some possible compromises have looked like?
- Did we follow the six rules and mirror well? Did we utilize the ABC method? If not, why not?
- Do I need to apologize?
- What do we need to stop doing the next time we are in an emotionally distressed place?
- What do we need to start doing the next time we are in an emotionally distressed place?