Below you will find a “cheat sheet” for the six rules, the four emotional hazards, the ABC method and the Mirror Method.
6 Rules of Communication
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1. Be Intentional (don’t react)—Find a way to build your spouse up even while disagreeing.
2. ALWAYS avoid always and NEVER say never
3. Does IT have to be a problem?
4. Facts Only—Be Honest
5. Issues Only—Talk about the problem not the person
6. Today’s News—Deal with the current issue
Remember to avoid these negative interactions as much as possible.
1. Negative Feedback Loop—Everything is bad which is never true.
2. Finding the bad guy—mutual blame. There is no winning or losing here. The win is that your marriage stays together and improves.
3. Let’s go hunting—Saying things just to get your spouses attention.
4. Sitting Out—just quitting. You promised to invest in your spouse.
ABC or This/That Method
When A happens, I feel B and I’d like to feel C.
When this happens, I feel that or when that happens I feel this
• What I hear you saying is…
• You’re saying….
• You’re suggesting…
• You think…
• If I hear you right…
• You want me to..
• You feel…
Bill: When you start screaming about something I feel like you’re yelling at me and I don’t even know what’s going. I get stressed.
Ann: You feel stressed when I start yelling…